I met my husband when I was only 13 years of age and I have to say that his Mother didn’t like me much and the feeling was definitely mutual. I could hardly wait until the age where he could move out of his parents’ home. Actually I helped that along the way by picking out his first apartment! Boy was I happy and thought yippee I don’t’ have to see her anymore, ha. Yeah, I was wrong, forgot the holidays and other events that bring family together…. It is hard being so young and feeling like you have met your soul mate when both families are against you. You always hear you two will never last yada yada yada. Well we did last, and after many years of us dating things began to change. Clearly I wasn’t going anywhere and I guess neither was she so we started to let our guards down and actually build a relationship. It was definitely worth it for both of us. The friendship and bond we have today is very special. She treats and loves me like a daughter and I love her and value her very much.
Things between a MIL and DIL can definitely cause hurt feelings to the point of wanting to hurt the other back, like you can only see the grandchildren when I want you too. I admit, I thought that when I was young and way before we had a child. It was a way to get back at her for being “mean” to me. As an adult I feel completely the opposite, you should never use the children like that and you should always encourage the grandparent and grandchild relationship no matter what the problems are between you two. It is a very important relationship your children will build. When you are angry at someone it is usually because you feel hurt by something they did or said. If you can get past that and work to build a relationship it will be one of the best things you can do for your whole family.
Talk it out.. find commonality to build on. You are both humans, adults, and most importantly you are both WOMEN, Wives and possibly Mothers and you both love the same Man (her son, your husband). Talking out differences can go a long way and honestly what have you got to loose… if she didn’t like you before you two talked.
You many find out that you two could be very close!!